Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
