you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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