So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
