We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
