I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
