someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
