Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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