I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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