I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How's work?
Spinning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
