So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
high people should be assigned attendants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
