So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
