And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
