I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize