Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've blown a few things in my day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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