We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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