Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
