When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
