we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
