In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize