...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
