guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
