____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
