forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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