would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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