Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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