Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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