Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize