I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love having hate sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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