You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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