Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I smell like Dick and happiness
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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