why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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