She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
