Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
