yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
