the condom got lost in my hair
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
