Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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