Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize