you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
