I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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