Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
did you just send me my own nude
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
