when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
