somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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