I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
