I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
