good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize