please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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