A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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