Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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