his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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