when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
