U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
