I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
