hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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