I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
