We're like a lot better than the average bears
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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