I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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