You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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