I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
