And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
