its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
