1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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