checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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