I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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