Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
