Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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