I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
