20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
