in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
