have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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