Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
