i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
PANTIES FOUND
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