apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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