i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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