The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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