would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
