3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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