it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize