So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize