But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
