just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
