I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize