I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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