i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
