Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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