i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
