so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
