Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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