I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
