Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
