Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
