Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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