I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
