i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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