so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
