Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
