Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
