i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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