I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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