Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
