Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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