Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
