sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
