It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize