Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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