I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
