he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
