I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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