I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
