You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
