JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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