I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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