I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize