Are we in a gay sports bar?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
