i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
