I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
