I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
