i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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