i was born a porn star she said
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
