I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
