just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
