I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
